Boredom - A problem

Today is friday. Weekend is going to start in a couple of hours. This weekend should not go waste like last weekend. I have to do something interesting. What shall I do? Shall I go for a trip? Or a movie? Or read a novel? Or invite friends for dinner? Lots of thoughts peep into the mind. What are we actually trying to plan for? To pass the weekend without just sleeping, eating and doing laundry. So we are searching for an interesting way of passing time during the weekends. Is this the same scenario for all of us?
As a child (say upto school days), we had school, home works, records, assignments, unit tests, charts, scrap book, annual day, sports day, cultural day, etc. We had our own personal life, where we had many friends around the house to play a lot of games. We rarely used to feel bored because we had a time table for us throughout. We had sports wear a day in the week, saturday is half-a-day. Independence day, Children's day, etc. were enthusiastic. We had many friends at school, we played, we helped mom at home, we had life with us. Were every weekends a bore-weekend or uninteresting ones?
We grew and went to college (Intermediate), where we rarely played. Entire focus was on getting admission in a good engineering/medical college. Classes for 6 days a week. Every sunday there was a test and evaluation. Loads of syllabii. No time to complete them, so no question of boredom.
We went to the college (Engg./Med.). We had 2 semesters a year. Apart from internals and external exams, we had sports, ragging, projects, records, competitive exams, coachings, campus placements, extra curricular activities, paper presentations, inter-college events, DJs, etc. We had our friends coming home or we going to their place, etc. for combined studies. We had lots of fears and dreams for future. Also there was a lot of syllabus for competitive as well as academic exams.
We got a job. We joined some company. We are now earning. Also we are learning (since what we have learnt in the college is different). Now that we have money with us, this is the time when we can realise our dreams. Since watching a movie during studies was almost a sin (inorder not to deviate from studies), we now have all the freedom to watch TV, movies, read novels, learn music/dance/some kind of arts, go to gym, travel to places, etc. Though we have all this freedom, money and the interest in us, we feel bored many times. Why?
Though at home or out of place, we start living individually. Since we are grown up to the level of earning money, no body forces us to do anything particular. It is all our will, wish and interest that we have. Even then, we feel bored. Actually we feel to go back to the school days when we never used to complain about boredom. Lets see the reasons why we feel so.
Life has become very easy. Today, we are able to afford to purchase every thing that we want. We have the capacity to pursue all our interests. This was not the case before 10 years. A decade ago, life was different. Lets see what changed in these 10 years.
1. Communication: How many people had mobile phones or internet a decade ago? Land line telephone was the supreme privilege that one started to have by the end of the yester-decade. One can communicate to any body in the world today very easily. Even then we feel bored.
2. Transport: The number of 2-wheelers or 4-wheelers have increased at an exponential rate in these 10 years. Also the air-travel has become cheaper and affordable by a common man. One can travel to any place they wish to. Even then we feel bored.
3. Entertainment: Television channels grew in hundreds. We have the music players like iPod, mp3 players, VCD, DVD players, laptops, iMax theatres, etc. Even then we feel bored.
4. Life Style: Today certain commodities like refrigerator, washing machine, micro wave oven, etc. have become a common man's appliances. Even then we feel bored.
and so on... As the time progressed, we find that the technology made our lives faster. Communication, transport, life style, entertainment...all are available at our say. There is no pining for a commodity. Also since the physical amount of work has reduced to a greater extent, there is not much work left for us to do as the machines themselves take care of. All the day time activity that one had a decade ago has been reduced to a large extent, making available a lot of free time, to pass. Almost all the men and women in this era are working. Although we have seen women working before, but the number of working women has increased and the working men:women ratio is nearly 1. When at work, people feel like being at home and pursue their hobbies and interests; When at home, they don't have the time to take care of themselves. Are people happy with the lives they have? Are they enjoying the job they are doing? I feel NO. People are working for money. Some people work just because they are not sure what to do if they dont work. But both the reasons eventually lead to boredom.
Though our older generations had more number of house wives, they hardly complained about boredom and they were happy because they accepted the fact that they have to be at home and carry out the duties of a housewife. Today, most of the woman are not ready to take up the typical housewife jobs. Hence lots of tensions. Though they have money, they dont have time, energy to enjoy, because the houses these days have become nuclear. If it were joint families, the work would be distributed among all the people of the home and everybody would enjoy. But today, since people want more private space for themselves, they avoid being together. Therefore everybody has his/her own living.
Why were we happy during the school days? We could study happily because our goal was to get good marks, get knowledge. No worries about the home. Because there was mother at home, who took care of all the things like cooking, cleaning, washing our clothes, etc. We never bothered about food, because we used to get food at regular intervals. So there was focus. Today, many children at home feel bored because they dont see their parents till late in the night, because both their parents work. During the olden days, atleast there used to be grand parents at home so that the children never felt alone. But today, how many couples want to stay with their parents?
I dont say that women should not work. But one should think of the reason why they are working. If it is for money without which there is no food, then its not a problem. If it is for excess money, it is not worth because they hardly enjoy. One has to decide what one wants from their lives. If they want happiness, raise the children properly, be with them, spend time with family members, take care of home and husband, its better to stay at home. If its only for excess money, then its not worth.
Now, what is excess money? Money never can be excess as long as you have the list of wishes to be fulfilled. This is a very arguable topic because it is upto the individual to decide what is necessary for him/her. But definitely, the yester years people were more happier than us without many of the things that we have today. They were contended with what they had.
But for todays generation, with the raising prices for education, house, etc. definitely a family in a city would need Rs.15K for comfort living. But if one wants to purchase a own house, then both need to work hard. So there is a necessity in this generation for both the people to work. This leads to children being raised in baby care centres. This also leads to children being alone at home, both the parents struggling to work at home as well as at work, thus leading to more stress and boredom.

DEATH AND SALVATION

Disclaimer: This is a controversial topic. All the ideas, examples and statements in the blog are purely personal. This is purely irreligious. Treat any idea which contradicts yours, as purely fictitious.

Until we are alive, death never comes to us and once it comes, we will not be there to see it. How simple? What is death? In simple words, death is the cessation of life in us. Any living being (any object that has life) has life in it, by virtue of which it breathes, eats, moves, talks, etc. For any action to take place, one needs life. When life goes away from the object, we call death. Now the questions, why should one die at all? Why does everybody fear about death, etc?

As my previous blogs say that the total energy of the universe is constant, and since life is a part of this universal energy, this energy gets transformed or rather gets transferred from one form to the other. Let us consider an example. Energy is measured in terms of Joules / Ergs / BTU (British Thermal Unit) / Calories, etc. Suppose the total energy of the universe is 100 units. Human beings take 25 units; animals, birds, insects, flies, under water creatures, micro organisms, etc. take 65 units and the remaining 10 units by plants. But the converse is not true. Not all the objects that have energy have life. Air, water, fire, for example have energy but no life.

For example, if there is a rule that in a class, if a student gets an A grade, he is double-promoted to two classes higher; if he gets a B grade, he is promoted to immediate higher class and if he gets C grade or below, he is retained in the same class. To start with, every student would try to achieve an A grade. But slowly as the classes progress, the syllabus might be so vast and the schedules might become so tight that students would aim to just pass by getting a B grade. If they flunk in the unit tests, they need to retake the tests to clear them. They join in some coaching center or private tutorials, etc. to get better knowledge about the subjects. However, in due course of time, students get de-motivated, discouraged and get contented with the lower grades. If there is a narrow failure by say, 1 or 2 marks, they would request the teacher to add grace marks and pass them. Finally out of say, 100 students, 1 or 2 might get A grades, 10 might get B and the others C and below. Actually, everybody had the same energy, same enthusiasm, same confidence and same level of intelligence in the beginning. But during the course, who ever had the determination, strategy, planning and commitment, got succeeded. But why all this?

In our lives, we all also are students in a class. All the living beings take birth to get an A grade, a.k.a attaining liberation (moksha). But after our birth, we become so busy with our studies, food, job, money, relations, movies, etc. that we fail to get the A grade and hence we take re-births until we are liberated. Everybody is just passing their time in their own way, by defining success in their own way. For some, success might be to get an admission in the best college, for some it might be to get a job in a good company, for some it might be the amount they earn, etc. At each stage, one defines his/her own success. But what is the net success at the time of death is what governs the real success of salvation.

An electron continues to revolve in the same orbit or falls down to a lower orbit by losing its energy. Unless it attains a high energy, it cannot move to higher orbits and gets liberated. In the same manner, we also keep taking births in the same human form or animal form until we attain higher energy levels to get liberated. So the life in us needs to be energized to a very high level in order to get liberated from the birth and re-birth cycles. This is called salvation.

In the journey of our lives, we keep facing difficulties, troubles and miseries. Then we join some coaching center to get knowledge. Every coaching center teaches the same subject, in their own way. There are students in every coaching center who get succeeded. These coaching centers are the religions. Hence we have so many religions, disciplines, paths to learn, practice and follow. But we fight among ourselves about religions and miss the main essence of learning.

In an exam, there would be a teacher to evaluate the answer papers. But who is the evaluator in the real life? Common word, God, which I describe, is one self. Every body on this earth has conscious, sub-conscious and super-consciousness in him/her, which are the best evaluators. Though there are no hard and fast rules to determine what is good and what is bad, one is answerable to one-self.

If we flunk in a subject by a mark or two, we would request the teacher to add grace marks and hence pass us. In real life, if we commit mistakes, who has to forgive us? We, ourselves (Paschatthapam). And we should never ever repeat such mistakes (Praayaschittham).

There are three cases.
1. You can work hard and get an A by your own
2. You can copy in an exam and then pass
3. You can bribe your teacher to pass you.

Which one would you prefer? Are you 100% satisfied with your inner-self if you followed 2 or 3? If you went to the higher class with no knowledge, can you pass the exams in that class? Only if a person follows the 1st path, would he be able to succeed throughout. And this is what self-realization is. You have religions, books, preachers, swamis, yogis, etc. who help you in getting knowledge, that’s all they can do. But it is you, your own self, who has to realize the truth and the purpose of life.

There is a universal truth. Universal power. This is the one that evaluates the deeds, thoughts, actions of the living beings and determines the grades. You may call it God, or what ever. But that power can be visualized only from within one self, and that is what is called self-enlightenment. All the living beings are evaluated right from the time of their conception and until their physical death. If a person X dies, and if his result is a C grade, he takes a re-birth, which need not be in the human form. So did X die? Or do all the living beings die? They die in their physical forms. But the life does not die. It just gets transferred to other forms. What if all the students get A grades. i.e. there are no living beings at all? This is Utopia.

Suppose you got promoted from class 8 to class 9. If you had not acquired correct knowledge in class 8, you will not be able to perform well in class 9. Inversely, if you had learnt the concepts of class 9 when you were in class 8, you would need very less time to learn the subjects of class 9 and you would become a master in them. This is what is the miracle of some prodigal children, who demonstrate various talents at their very early stages of life.

Suppose you passed class 8 by clearing all the subjects with excellent marks but just managed to pass in Mathematics. In class 9 also, you would face difficulty in clearing Mathematics. It would still remain the toughest subject for you. Challenges and difficulties in life are not only the outcome of the present life and mistakes, but also due to the carry forwards from previous births.

Did a student discontinue being a student when he got promoted from class 8 to 9? No. He is still a student until he finishes all the courses and classes. Then he no more belongs to the school. Similarly, when we die, we still carry the same life in a different class (different form), and this keeps on repeating until we clear all the courses with A grade, i.e. until we realize the truth and attain salvation. Then we can graduate and be free, i.e. we can get liberated from the cycle of births-rebirths. So, which class are we studying in? No one knows. But this human life is the only life where one has lot of opportunities to know the truth and self. Although certain animals were liberated in their forms, as humans it is easy among all the forms, to get liberated.

Now tell me, is death a thing to be worried about, feared about? Now don’t kill me. The reason why we are worried about death is the fear of detachment. We do not want to get detached from this world. What are the reasons people die? I would classify the types of deaths into 3 categories.

1. Ill-health: The human body, in which the life is embedded, has to be taken care of so that it protects and saves the life, it has within. But if the body ceases to function, life cannot remain in it. So one needs to take utmost care in keeping the body healthy.
2. Accidents, misfortunes: These are to be considered as failures in the exams. They might be the result of the deeds that are performed, knowingly or unknowingly. If you misbehave in the class or violate the rules of the school, you are suspended from the class, how ever intelligent you are. But this does not mean that you are liberated. You are given another chance to prove your self. But even then, if you fail to achieve, then you are dismissed, which is again not liberation. You might be sent to lower classes as punishment.
3. Natural death: Any substance would have its own decay period. Human body also, has wear and tear since we use it as we feel like, and hence after certain period of time, it gets deteriorated, thereby causing death.

In whatever form we die, the evaluation process and the rules that govern remain the same. Hence one has to make use of the existing form to the optimum level in realizing the truth and get A grades, rather than passing time and letting the life take many other re-births to realize.
Liberate your inner soul. Our soul is like a bird in a cage (our body). The bird is happy if it is freed and not in the cage. Allow the bird to fly. Leave it to the nature. Salvate it. This is the essence of life.

Careeer

I seriously do not know why I am writing this blog. I have put here What ever came to my mind. Just ignore this.

Ask a small kid what he/she wants to become. What do u usually expect to listen? Engineer? Doctor? Police? Does one know about those fields at that age? It is the elders who prompt them to tell those. No matter what ever they feel like doing, one ends up in carrying heavy loads of books to school.Until the age of 15, i.e. Upto 10th class, everybody gets educated in the same subjects - English, Mathematics, General Science, Biology, Social Studies and Languages. Board might differ such as CBSE, ICSE, NCERT or State Boards.

Now ask the boy/girl again what he/she wants to become. This time its not the choice of the parents completely. One could guess what one wants by observing and learning from elders, seniors, etc. Most of them would thus end up in getting carried away with their speculations or by the job opportunities in the society that everybody visualises or by the ease of subjects one feels. But what ever the case may be, choice of life starts from here. Intermediate course studied between the age group 15-17 years decides the career path. We have a variety of subjects to choose. MPC, BPC, MEC, CEC, HEC, etc. Though one or two subjects are common in the streams, the courses they can study after this differ. Let us see the future for some of the courses.

MPC (Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry)

Degrees that can be pursued: B.Tech/B.Sc/BCA,M.Tech/M.Sc./MCA/MS/Ph.D. in Computer Science, Electronics and Communication, Electrical, Mechanical, Industrial, Instrumental, Bio-Medical, Chemical, Civil, Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Electronics, Statistics, Architecture, etc. in IISc, IITs, RECs, Univ. Colleges, Private Colleges

Job Oppotunities: IT Companies,Electronics companies like HP, QualComm, Texas Instruments, etc., Universities and Colleges, Chemical companies like Reliance, Pharmacy companies like Dr. Reddys, Industries like TATAs, Constuction companies for Architecture, etc.

BPC (Biology (Botany, Zoology), Physics and Chemistry)

Degrees that can be pursued: MBBS/MD/BDS/BHMS/B.Sc./Ph.D. in Agriculture, Home Science, Molecular Biology, Genetics, Physiotherapy, Micro Biology, Ayurveda in institutes like AIIMS, AFMC, CMC, JIPMER, Univ. Colleges, Private Colleges.

Job Oppotunities: Govt. and Private Hospitals, Private Practice, Colleges and Universities, CCMB, ICRISAT, etc. institutes

MEC (Mathematics, Economics and Commerce)

Degrees that can be pursued: B.Com/M.Com,ICWA/CA/CS/CPA/CFA/Ph.D. in University Colleges, Private Colleges

Job Oppotunities: Any industry (Banks, IT, etc.), Auditing and Accounting (Ernest and Young, Price Waterhouse Coopers, etc.)

Generic Streams:
B.Ed - Teaching in respective streams in schoolsMBA - Jobs in any sector (Banking, Financial, IT, Retail, Marketing, etc.)

Law - Lawyer Practice in Bar

Defence - Airforce, Army, Navy - Technical and Field jobs through CDS (Combined Defence Services), NDA (National Defence Academy), SSB (Service Selection Board), etc.

Public Sector - UPSC, State Service Commissions by appearing in Group 1,2, etc. exams for IAS(Administration), IPS(Police), IES(Engineering), Forest Dept., etc.

Business - Own/maintain/Work in any kind of business

Shares/Investments - Income by Earning through investments

Teaching in respective streams in colleges, uiversities and Schools

Hotel Management

Fashion Designing

Interior Designing, and many other activities that people in Indian Society do.

For most of these fields, choice is at Intermediate level (age of 15), for some other at degree level (age of 20). Hence one needs to discover his passion within 20 years of age, by which one would not have explored the society. One just decides with the subject he/she likes or by the sayings of elders/seniors. A large segment of people work for money. They study for jobs. Which ever field has more job opportunities has more students in it. But are all passionate to be in that field? At one point of time in ones life, one might feel that there is hardly any relation between the subject one studied to obtain his degree and the work one does. Each person discovers his/her passion at certain age. Some never discover at all. If it takes life time for a person to discover his passion, then when is that he enjoys working towards it? How does one describes his/her success? Is it through the money one earns? or the job one gets? or the passionate work that one does? I define success as doing a job of ones passion, no matter how much he earns. If you are working for 10 hours a day in a job where you are not interested in, the out come is only very meagre. But if you work in your passionate job, your outcome is amazing. You would marvel and excel in your field. Hence know your passion. But knowing ones passion is not vey easy. One might feel that he/she is capable of doing many things, but that does not mean that one is passionate about it. One needs to judge for oneself to know his/her real passions.

TRUTH

What do we name this generation as? Gen X? IT Gen? Or Swami Gen? Shocked? Yeah. This is the generation of both IT as well as Swamis. We, human beings are the best race among all the other living beings of the universe. It is the same energy, same skeleton and the same body that we all have. During our childhood days, we believe in our parents. We do what ever mother or father say. If they tell us not to do certain act, we don’t. If they encourage doing something, we do it with 100% confidence. Slowly, rather unfortunately, we grow big to decide things upon our own. Every human being on the earth has a beautiful asset with him, mind. What factors determine the mind set of the people? There are no definite answers, since the mind set is always prone to change. Do we think in the same way as we used to at our 10 years of age? Or 20 years? Our mind set has kept on changing with our age. Why do we live? Rather, how are we living? We live with hope. We live with the hope that we have a tomorrow. Say suppose, tomorrow is the end of the universe. How will we live today? Now let us talk about some generic terms.

God. What is it? Or who is he? I saw God in my dreams. My friend saw an image of God talking to him. Does anybody like to treat me as a God? I have a question. Why at all the concept of God? My answer: If we are left without any knowledge about fear, good or bad, then our mind sets would never be stable or follow a path. In order to give a proper direction to our minds, to teach us what good is and what bad is, many religions have described God in their own ways. To enforce this belief and fear in people, they have depicted God in various forms. But what if an individual is good by himself, without any fear of God? Does he need to know God? Because of the concept of God, from centuries onwards, people started to fear, people started losing belief, faith and hope in themselves. What is Good? What is Bad? Who decides upon them? What is good for somebody might be bad for the others and vice versa. If there are universal guidelines for goodness and evilness, then why are there so many concepts about them? Most of the people speak about ‘Truth’. God is Truth. Truth is God, etc. What does Truth means? Truth means real. Something that is tangible. Is it something that everybody can realise, feel and prove? If so, what is truth, now? I can tell that irrespective of all the religions, castes, tribes, races of the world, every individual (plant and animal life inclusive) would truly realise, feel and prove that there is air, there is water, there is sun, there is fire, there is earth, there are stars, there is rain, there is wind, there is storm, there is calm, there is night and there is day. Do all these need proofs? Even animals feel this truth. But what about the Gods that we speak about? They are beliefs. If a person like Jesus Christ or Lord Buddha does all good to the human race with all the suffering, they are called God. Those qualities which they had in them are there in every one of us. We just need to realize them.

No body can claim that they are God. It is we, the people who make them God. Suppose you have an illness. You believe that if you approach certain person, your illness would be cured. May be it gets cured. What cured your illness? Did the person treat you with medicines? It is the hope that cured you. You had faith in him. You trusted him. You had 100% confidence in him. So you call him God. Suppose, if somebody believed in you. Say X believed you that you are his saviour. You are his God. But you know who you are. You know that you are an ordinary person with equal capabilities as much as X has. But to him, you are the God. He has faith in you. Hence God is a belief. It is a confidence. It is a hope with which we are living. Or rather I put it as, Hope is God. Confidence is God. Belief is God. God is intangible. What is the difference between an Olympic Gold medallist and a silver medallist? Both have same level of skill. But who ever feels confident, is the winner. But if I have confidence on somebody else. I pray him. I beg him to help me win. I trust him 100% with all my heart. Or rather I leave the result to him. I am happy even if I lose the race. But I need his grace. Even then you will win. This is faith. And that is God.

Hence we have so many different gods. If I tell you that I can heal your illness, will you believe me? No. You will ask thousands of questions. If 10 people tell about me, will you trust me? No. But if thousands and millions of people talk about me, you might believe me. You would try believing me and if you win, you would definitely believe me. Whether you believed me or not, I am the same. But you believed in the others. You believed what people talked about. Your belief has made me God. I am not God by myself. For one who believes me, I am God and for the other I am not. Hence God is a relative term. Why are then so many miseries in the world, when you trust somebody? It is a simple fact that you don’t trust anybody. By trust, I mean 100% faith. You want to trust somebody and at the same time you are unable to trust them 100%. That is why you do not have 100% faith in them. And hence your confidence is low and therefore you are unhappy. What is the solution to this?

Why do you need to believe in somebody? Why do you always want somebody to extend hand for you in case of a misery? Why do you rely on somebody’s answer, when you don’t trust him 100%. Don’t trust them. Don’t wait for someone to help you. Realise that the so-called God whom you wanted to trust and you, yourself have the same capabilities. Start believing yourself. Have faith in yourself. Be happy for yourself, first. Meditate on yourself. Make your people (people who have faith in you, who love you, who want you to be happy, your loved ones) happy always from your side. Be with nature. Enjoy the moon light. Enjoy the rainfall. Enjoy the cool breeze. Enjoy the candle light. Play a game. If you run, you get confidence that your legs and hands are working properly and that you are healthy. Why then you want to lose that opportunity of gaining confidence by yourself? Run, Play, Sing, Dance. If this is what the “So-Called” Gods tell you, these are the known facts. Even a small child would experience all these. As a child, everyone would have done all of these. Why then you want to lose that character? Why do you want to lose your self? Why do you want to fall on somebody? Don’t do that. Somebody might question me, what if I have a serious health problem, for which there is no cure. How do I be confident? Ok, tell me, how does your God heal you? You call it a spiritual healing. All that they do is they give you a hug or they might tough your deceased part of the body. There is no medicine in their hands. It is the happiness you get by their touch that made you survive. It is the faith you have on them. It is the love you have on them, that made you live longer. Again, its your trust, that made them God and not by the virtue of themselves. How often do you visit them? Once a year or twice? So except for those two days, for all the other 363 days, you are sorrow. You are sick. You are a loser. You are a low-confident guy. That means, you are living only for 2 days a year. All the other days are not meant for you. How bad this is? How silly this is? You made somebody God by your belief and you lose your life? Whose mistake is this? Your own. Don’t do that. Live all 365 days full enthusiasm. How can you do that?

By faith. Trust yourselves. Be happy always. Smile at the people. Let your apprehensions and anger go away from you. Treat everyone equally. Treat everyone with due respect that you show for yourselves. Feel that the other person is equally capable, important and lovable as you are. It is your character that makes you win, that makes you happy, that makes you have high spirits. Don’t blame any one for your sorrows. It is you who ruined your life. Don’t worry about the mistakes that you did. You have to forgive your selves. Never repeat them again. And that’s it, you are God. You have realised God. Why pay thousands of bucks to the others and make them rich? Yes. This is true. Do you know how many people have earned and become rich only with the beliefs of innocent people? There are a lot of people who are doing this in today’s world. They are still alive. This field of business is also going on par with the IT field. If they are selfless, they would never charge money for their darshan or they never would have any assets. But this is not the case. There was Mother Theresa, who served millions of people with out demanding thousands of bucks to see her. There were no huge adversitement campaigns made. Hence she received a nobel prize for peace. Refer to the following.

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main.asp?filename=ts032004LIC.asp

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main31.asp?filename=Ne300607Business_Of_the.asp

Smile at the world, Love your family and Be happy for yourself. You will realise the Truth.

ARE YOU HAPPY? PART-1

Ask an old man or an old woman about their life. We hear them saying "Our days were much happier than these days". Even our parents keep saying that their youth days were happier. Even we feel that our childhood days are happier than the present days. Why?

Let us see the reasons.

Upto 1980:

In the olden days (my grand and fore father's generation), life used to be definite. I mean, defined. Lets see how.There used to be certain specific tasks assigned to each one of the family members. And they used to have routine cycle of tasks to be performed, with out any exceptions. Saturday and Sunday also were much alike the week days, because they did the same things on the weekends too. Each couple had a minimum of 4-5 children. As the population of the country was very less (compared to the current day), there were very few educated people who were doing jobs in Govt. sector. Private sector jobs, mostly were in a small scales. A typical day used to begin at 5 AM, when the hen calls. Ladies used to have their routine of cleaning the house and preparing coffee for the entire family. Gents used to perform their regular ablusions and routines, besides consuming coffee. There was not much anxiety or tension to get ready for their duties as the dressing was simple. Ladies never worked. So their job was to prepare breakfast and lunch, hence no tension in going out somewhere. Men walked or used cycles or bus to travel to their work places. Most of the people had home food all 365 days in the
year. They had food outside only when they went out of station. Hence there were very few hotels. Even if there were, there used to be a simple menu rather than a book consisting of 10 pages. As there were no automated machines like fridge, mixer, grinder, blender, washing machine, dough, micro wave oven, etc., women used to perform the daily activities like cleaning, washing, cooking manually. They enjoyed doing those tasks. Most of the families being joint, there used to be many married men and women residing in the same house. All the woman used to share the house hold work of the entire family. Men used to work and come back home in the evening, by which time, women used to complete their household works and start preparing supper. Income of the entire family used to be in hundreds of rupees. 1 thousand rupees was a very huge amount. 1 lakh was a dream. Number of cities were very less. There were only 4 major cities in the country. Sources of entertainment were limited to radio and newspaper, which consisted mostly of political news. There used to be a lot of holidays for men at work and the work timings used to be from 9 or 10 AM to 5 PM. Distant relatives communicated through postal mails. Telephone was a luxury. Hence communication was quite often, say once a month (postal delya's included). Festivals were typical. There used to be home made varities of food, all the people celebrating together, etc. The head of the family, usu the father, used to dictate or direct the entire family and all the members, without any doubts, followed his words. There used to be certian do's and do not's in the family. No waking up after 6 AM. No sleeping in the evenings. No eating on mattresses. No questioning the elders. Writing the balance sheet of the money transactions to the detail up to the least denomination. No breakfast before taking bath. No cooking without taking bath. No being awake after 10 PM. When women are in their menstrual period, they had to live separately in a place in the house for those 4 days and no body touched her,etc. There used to be such guidelines set by the head of the family, which every one followed blindly. There were several advantages in such a rule. All the family members get accustomed to a single type of life, hence no chaos. Since every one share the same treasury, they maintain a common ledger. Raising children was easy, since there was fear of elders for the children. Ladies got full rest during their periods. There were ofcourse, certain disadvantages. Since everyone heeded to the words of the head, their views were never raised, hence there were lot of differences of opinions. If the head of the family was unwise and not concerned, then the family had to suffer. But facts apart, people still believe that those were the happiest days in their lives.

1980 - 2000:

Generation 2 (My parents and uncle's generation). Life was certain. As the population grew, many joint families got split into nuclear families. Each individual nuclear family had their own house. Head of the entire nuclear dynasty still remained. But the decisions of individual lives were upto them. Each couple had 2-3 children. Government and private sectors increased. Machinary was developed. Chemical, electrical, mechanical and civil fields have shown significant changes in the society. Every house now has television, refrigerator, mixer grinder, telephone (land line), gas stove, oven, etc. Women hence got educated in colleges and they pursued their degrees. Number of women doing jobs increased. Hence rules changed. No strict formalities. Lives were customised according to their comforts, core rules being still followed. Family get togethers were limited to once per year. However, marriages and certain rituals were celebrated together. Differences in the lives of individual family units have increased, with their jobs and life styles. Income increased from hundreds to thousands of rupees. 1 lakh was tangible, but with difficulty. Cities have increased. Municipalities have increased. Communication increased with the telephones. Cinema industry was developed from 'Black and White' film to 'East Man Color' and 'Scope' films. Automobiles included mopeds, scooters, while cycles were still in use. Public transport included taxis apart from buses. Local trains in metros have increased their frequencies. People now had no restriction to wake up at 5 AM. They took their own time to relax (be it in the evening or during the day). Women also worked, hence the house hold work and cooking needed help. Servant maids were employed to take care of such works. Newspapers increased. Apart from politics, there were news about films, film stars, geography, history, stock market, etc. GDP has increased with the per capita income in the country. Many new businesses arrived. People started feeling to eat outside their homes, to have a different taste, once a while. Restaurants, theatres, petrol bunks, magazine sellers, cloth show rooms, consumer goods, etc. have increased. Life became more comfortable. People were happy, at the same time felt that they were missing something.

21st Century:

Generation X (Me, My friends and cousins). Life is uncertain. Population of the country has increased exponentially. Nuclear families have become more nuclear. No more government jobs. Only private sector jobs. This is the Electronics, Communication and Software Era. With the advent of software and the increased number of software companies, there are a lot of jobs (in lakhs) in the country. Men and women, all are educated. Engineering colleges, Medical colleges, Hospitals, Business schools, banks, etc. have increased a lot. Per capita income and the standard of living of the people have shown a great hike. Significant increase in the number of people going to the foreign countries like the USA, UK, the Gulf, Canada, Germany, Singapore, Malasia, etc. for pursuing their education or their job careers. Everything has become global. Communication now includes mobile phones, e-mails, internet messengers, etc. Automobiles have increased rapidly. Motor bikes for men and women, cars have increased a lot. Hence pollution increased. Public transport still is limited to buses and local trains in metro cities. Mobile phone has become a necessary commodity in the society. Home appliances now include washing machine, iron box, micro wave oven, Air Conditioner, Digital electronics like camera, handy cam, computers, laptop, etc. Men and women both go to their jobs. A couple in this generation plan to have only 1 child. Many new businesses have increased. People started eating outside as they are deprived of the time to cook at home. Children are raised at cretches. Cooking is only a special activity, usually at the weekends, or a once-a-week activity. Mother and father stay together (in most of the cases), but children go away to various places to pursue their careers. Nuclear families have split. Bakerys, Pizza deliverers, restaurants, ATMs, theatres, shopping malls, electronic shops, have increased a lot. Most of the transactions became online. Banking, bill payment, booking reservations in trains, flights, etc., booking tickets for a movie, etc. Income has increased a lot. People started earning in lakhs. 1 Crore is also becoming tangible. Media has shown a significant diversity. Many private channels have opened up in the Television and Radio. Many different newspapers and magazines have emerged. Cities have expanded and the number of cities is in hundreds. Public administration also changed, but the politics remain the same. People have everything today. Money, comforts, etc. but they feel bored. They are not happy. They are missing something. Why so?

Analysis:

If we observe the trend from the previous generations to the current generation, the life style, income, expenditure, comforts, have increased, showing a positive note. Also on the negative note are the increase in population, pollution, crime, corruption, worries, anxieties, fear, etc. Happiness, on the overall, has decreased. Contentment and satisfaction are no more there with the people. People are stuggling to compete with one another to earn more income. Constructing a house was a life time achievement in the yester years. People used to venture such an act at their 40's or 50's. Today a college passed out student, with an age of 20 years is worried about purchasing an apartment. 1 lakh rupees is a very meagre income. People are losing their happiness and are increasing their risks of ailments. Money earned today is being spent to cure the diseases obtained because of the struggle to earn that money. Stress levels have increased. Students are complaining about head aches, migrane, indigestion, ulcers, depression, nausea, insomnia, etc. What do people want from their lives? Through postal communication, people were contended with the messages they conveyed once a month. Today, with mobile phones, we are addicted to communicate every minute. We are losing the patience to wait for some time to communicate. We are increasing the anxiety to receive phone calls or mails. We are not concentrating on ourselves. Our focus, time and energy are being misused for various practices. At the end of our lives, if we turn back to see what we have achieved, we see that we have lost our entire life to achieve something, which does not give us the real happiness. What has happened with us?

We lost the discipline that our previous generations had. We lost patience. We lost respect for the older generation. We lost faith. We started questioning every act. Questioning is not wrong. I believe strongly that one can practice certain act only if he/she is totally convinced about what one is doing. One can attain such conviction only if he knows what and why he is doing. But the point here is that we are not interested to know about such practices, because we feel that we are much more matured than our previous generation people. We feel that we know more than what they knew and that we are more wiser than them. If so, are we much more happier than them? The answer is a simple 'NO'. Somebody can question me, Is Happiness quantifiable, comparable or tangible? I say NO. But happiness can be felt. One can judge whether the other person is happy or not. Close your eyes, hold your heart and ask yourself "Am I happy?" Think about the reasons why you are not happy. Decide upon what makes you happy. By happiness I do not mean the materialistic happiness that one gets with money. I am talking about the true happiness, that even a peacock can be seen with, when it dances. Money has nothing to do with the real happiness. I know what I am telling and talking might be a bull shit for most of the people. But I am interested in those who really want to be happy. Because I want all the people to be happy. Imagine the world, with all the people being really happy. UTOPIA?

Love Marriage

Disclaimer: All thoughts in the current context are purely personal. Any resemblance to any real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

I never knew that marriages could broadly be classified into Love marriage and Arranged marriage until people asked me which kind of marriage I did. My next question to any of them would immediately be "What love means in a love marriage?" or "What is arranged in an arranged marriage?". None of them would give me a prompt reply. They would always try pulling my leg until I reply them only with "Love marriage". But even now, I cannot differentiate between the two. I tell you why.

Were there these categories in the olden days? When did we start hearing the term 'Love' marriages? Not even 50 years. In a country which has a history and culture over thousands of years, if we are witnessing a new style and new kind of marriage, we need to know the history and the concept of marriage from the ages. Please bear with me, u will have a good ending.

India - A land of traditions, rich culture and heritage since thousands of years. As time had kept changing, the traditions also changed. What do I mean by traditions? Am I speaking about rituals or the purpose there of? My answer would be both. There are many different religions, sects, subsects, castes, cultures, languages in our country. Each section of the society have described their life styles in certain definite fashion. The way they carry out their works, the way they prepare food, eat, treat illnesses, treat the others, speak, behave, etc. Hence there were hundreds or thousands of sects in our country.

People were assessed based on where they were born, the sect they belonged to, the language they spoke, etc. Each sect had its own way of doing things, hence the difference. Ages before, the castes were formed based on the work they did. As for example, there were gold smiths (vishwa brahmins), weavers and carpenters (padmasaalis), merchants (vyshyas), priests (brahmins), kings (Rajputs), etc. Each community had their own independet skill in their work. Hence their own traditions and customs. There came the sub sects based on the regions they belonged to. As for example, there are lot of sects in Brahmins in India. In Tamil Nadu, there are Iyers (Vadama and others), Iyengars(Vadagalai, Tenkalai), etc. Brahmins who migrated from TamilNadu to Andhra Pradesh were called Dravidas. Now there are Konaseema dravidas who settled in the coastal belt of A.P., the Arama dravidaas, who settled in Draksharamam (East Godavari Dt.), the Thummagunta Dravidas, who settled in Thummagunta (Nellore Dt.), etc. Likewise there are 6000 Niyogis, Golconda Vyaparis, Vaideeka (Velnatlu, Veginatlu, Telaganyulu, Mulakanaatlu), and many other sects in A.P. In Kerala, we find Nambeesans, Naboothiris; Karnataka and Maharashtra we find Saraswat Brahmins (Chitrapur, Gowd, Rajapur,etc.), etc. Please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahmin_communities to find all the brahmin communities. Likewise, in almost all the castes, viz. Vysyas (Arya, Kalinga, etc.), Kapu (Munnur, Balija, etc.), Kamma, Raju, etc., there are lot of sub sects prevailing since hundreds of years.

Marriage, a tradition that is commonly followed in all the sects also has been performed in their own styles. Right from searching the bride or the bride groom until the couple finally starts their own life independently, there are various practices that are followed in every sect of our country. But there are many customs and practices that are commonly followed among all the sects. Since Indians believe that they are descendants of the great rishis, they share some gothras (rishi dynasty) in common throughout the country. All the castes and sects have the same rishis as their ancestors. A Gotra is the lineage clan assigned to a Hindu at birth. In most cases, the system is patrilineal and the gotra assigned is that of the person's father. Other names used to refer to it are Vansh, Vanshaj, Bedagu, Purvik, Purvajan, Pitru. An individual may decide to identify his lineage by a different gotra, or combination of gotras. For example Lord Rama was Surya Vansh , also known as Raghu Vansh. This was because Lord Rama's great-grandfather Raghu became famous. Marriages within the gotra ("swagotra" marriages) are banned under the rule of exogamy in the traditional matrimonial system. People within the gotra are regarded as kin and marrying such a person would be thought of as incest. In some communities, where gotra membership passed from father to children, marriages were allowed between uncle and niece, while such marriages were forbidden in matrilineal communities, like Malyalis and Tuluvas, where gotra membership was passed down from the mother. A much more common characteristic of south Indian Hindu society is permission of marriage between cross cousins (children of brother and sister). Thus, a man is allowed to marry his mother's brother's daughter or his father's sister's daughter but is not allowed to marry his father's brother's daughter, a parallel cousin, who is treated as a sister. Marriage, after all is a tradition where a bride and a bride groom marry each other following certain rituals announcing themselves as a couple to the entire society. All the elders and the people in their community bless the couple. All of them celebrate the feast with luncheons and dinners.

Now that I spoke about what 'Marriage' in India means, I will speak about the types of marriages. How does one choose the pair to be coupled? Girl born at a place, boy born in another family, another place, another time. How do one gets to know the details of the 'match' ?

If the details of the pair to be married are known from the elders, relatives or any other source other than the bride and the bridegroom themselves, it is said to be an Arranged marriage. If the details are brought by the pair themselves, it is a Love marriage. In arranged marriage, the elders look for the horoscope match (hence the compatibility), the family background, the economical status, the members of the family and finally ask the bride and the groom to look at each other (In olden days, this provision was not there; The couple does not even look at each other until the marriage is performed.). The customs have been changing with the time. Decades before, there used to be girls in minority numbers and boys in majority numbers. Girls used to choose the boy they wanted to marry in Swayamvara. Further the boy's family had to pay certain money to the girl's family as Kanyasulka. Time has changed and there were girls in majority numbers. Then started the Varakatna (Dowry), where the girl's family pays money to the boy's family. In early days, the elders of the family used to travel places in search of bride and get their boy married at the age below 15 years. The age difference between the boy and the girl used to be very large (nearly 10 years). Divorce rates were very low (almost NIL). Girl was taught to serve the boy's family, her husband, cook food for the family, do household jobs and raise their children. Times have changed and the lifestyles of pepole changed. Technology has been bringing changes in the lives of the people. Today we do not see weavers because we have machinery that produce clothes. Likewise, there are changes in the administration of the government and hence people no more are continuing their age old traditional jobs. Instead they are doing various other jobs. So the life style and the customs which were once bsaed on their jobs and their regions have been changing with the exodus of people who have been migrating from one place to the other in search of jobs. There has been an exponential exodus from the rural areas to the urban areas. In such a lifestyle, the traditions and customs no more are applicable and hence they changed. If we look at the current generation youth in the present day, there are a majority of youth working in private sectors in banks, IT firms, hospitals, retail stores, etc. All of these youth are travelling across the world. Their so called 'native' culture is not getting implemented and imbibed to them due to the changing lifestyles.

From generations, we have been watching the changes that are taking place in the society. Inter-caste or inter-religious marriage was a sin in the older days. Today the society is accepting such marriages. Women are working in large numbers compared to the women in the olden days. In this scenario, how are the 'arranged' marriages getting arranged when there are very meagre people who belong to the same sect are living together? Through relatives, matrimonial agencies, media (newspapers, internet, etc.). How well the girl's family is knowing about the boy's family? They are strangers before the marriage. No aquaintance at all. We are blindly believing the people and hence their family. Economy wise, there is a very large scale of economy today. Middle class has large limits and the limits are getting expanded. Therefore the marriages today are a kind of marketing and sale, unless one really knows about the other party. Today since the number of girls is very less compared to the number of boys and since the number of orthodox families are less in number, sect/sub sect/job are not being the criteria for selecting the match. Parents are being helpless in getting the matches. They are relying on external sources like marriage buereaus, friends and relatives. Hence the 'arranged' marriage is becoming difficult and worrisome.

Love marriages, on the other had, wherein the girl and the boy get to know about each other before introducing themselves as a couple to their elders, are hence increasing in numbers. Women in today's world, unlike women in the previous generations, are being treeated alike with men. They are also getting educated and are being raised similar to that of a male child. Women are working in every field and are travelling across the globe. In this scenario, the exposure of girls to boys and hence the opportunity of selecting ones spouse is more. People are working in teams, getting closer, sharing their thoughts and feelings and have started sharing the accomodations. In fact, they are living together, being away from their parents. Even though they are with their parents, they are choosing their own 'kind' of person for marriage. If the couple is liked by their elders, they make arrangements for their marriage and hence it would become a love - cum - arranged marriage. If their marriage happens without the consent of their elders, it would be called a pure Love marriage. In either case, the couple are solely responsible for their 'love' and 'marriage'. As a matter of fact, divorce rates have increased exponentially these days compared to the olden days. Has that anything to do with the increasing 'Love' marriages? I say 'Yes'.

No doubt every person has certain likes and dislikes, which are subject to change anytime. If a boy and a girl claim that they love each other, what is it they are loving actually? Is it the physical beauty of the other person? Is it the tastes and interests that the other person has or is it the level of understanding the other person has with regards to this person? These love marriages happen in the age group of 18-30 years. That is the age when ones beauty is at the optimum in ones entire life; Age where the 'self' mind and body change with the external world; where the mind gets freezed; age where there is attraction in the beauty, sex and other worldy pleasures; In such an age group, how does one claim to 'Love' the other person?

Someone is unable to live without seeing the other person, without talking to the other person or without contacting the other person. Is this love? Are they eligible to get married? Will they be happy after the marriage till their lsat breath? If so, why are the divorce rates increasing in large numbers in the so called 'Love' marriages? If the current generation youth mean that they know what love is and hence are convincing the elders, does this mean that the people who lived and have been living since generations do not know what love means?

Here I am not talking about couples who are happy with their 'love' married lives. I am talking about cases who, upon marrying somebody who they loved, are breaking up their relations. According to me, love is something that is neither tangible nor measurable. It is just a feeling towards the other person. Practically, the amount of 'love' changes with the actions of the other persons. Hence it is tangible. Since you love someone more than the others, it is measurable also. Hence the term 'Love' does not fit in this kind of marriages. These marriages also are arranged, but they are arranged by the partners themselves. Hence name it as 'Self-arranged' marriage. Do not call it 'Love' marriage. If love is eternal, why are marriages not eternal? Because the marriages are self-arranged and since 'self' is always prone to change, the relationship changes.

Now comes the question, in either cases (arranged or self-arranged), since self is prone to change and since 'love' is being understood as behaving in the way the other person feels happy about, how to maintain healthy relationships throughout the lives? Go through my 'MARRIAGE AND LOVE - PART 2' for answers.