Every person in this world is unique. Ones characteristics are determined by ones birth, family (parents first, then relatives), friends, society, environment in which one lives, the experiences one undergoes and above all pre-life karma. All these put together will frame a person's thoughts -> ideas -> attitude -> behaviour -> habits. As long as one follows dharma, one is never bad. There are nothing called good actions or bad actions. All are experiences. Suppose you try eating in a new restaurant and u dont like the food. Would you try the next time? Or say, you have tried something new in your life after 30/40 years and you happened to like it. You would enjoy it. So our experiences teach us how to live.
We are social beings, meaning we are dependent socially on one another. Are we living on our own without the help of any other person in the world? We cannot. And we should not. As I said before that each person is unique in this world, we should not expect the others to behave just like us or to think just like the way we think. First of all, are we stable? Given a situation, can we behave the way we want to? Are our thoughts constant and stable? Can we stop thinking that we dont want to think about? Can we behave all the time in our life as we want to? No, rite!! When we are not sure of our behaviour, thoughts and our feelings, how can we expect the other person to have the thoughts or behaviour that we want them to have?
People say that similar horoscope people have similar charactestics. If so, there should be 12 sets of people in this world (as per the 12 zodiac signs) and all the groups should live independently in 12 different countries. A mother will love her child, whatever horoscope the child has. That is what is love. She just loves the child, without expecting anything in return from the child. We are raised by our parents. Both of them work hard to feed us, educate us, take care of us. All 3 of us are different. Their thoughts are different from ours. But why do they still love us? Why do they take care of our health, food, clothing, education when they know that we think differently? Is it just because they feel its their job/responsibility to raise us? Do they not love us as we are? Undoubtedly, the answer for this question is NO. Siblings are wonderful creation by parents and God. We share our feelings, thoughts with them. We fight with them. We enjoy spilling ink on their chart. We tease their friends, tastes, etc. One day after we get separated, we feel love for them. Though we are not alike, we miss them. We truly love them. Friends are the ones we choose and make. No two people are alike. But we bear them and be with them. We support each other and share our thoughts, happiness and miseries. Throughout our life, we keep meeting many people. Very few remain as good friends to us. Though separated geographically, we will have love for our friends.
Why then, in the case of spouse, we expect a lot from the other? Why do we want the other person behave the way we want them to behave, when we are not sure of how we behave? This is applicable to both the parties. Sometimes our parents, siblings and friends do not behave the way we want them to, and we get irritated. We feel like running away from them. But when you are away, you feel like being with them and bear their behaviour. Its because we truly love them. They bore us for 20 years and cant we bear them? But in the case of spouse, we love more than required. The quantity of love exceeds so much that we hurt ourselves and the other person sometimes. Let the other person behave the way he/she wants. Do not take anybody for granted. After all every individual in this world needs some private space. Do not suffocate others by your thoughts. Try to be happy yourself first. Let the other person be happy in their own way. If you want the other person to be happy in the way you want, first prove him/her that u are truly happy. Do not force the other person. It might actually hurt him/her. When we, parents, siblings live together for so many years, though we are different in thoughts, why cant the couple live together?
Through marriage, one gets a LIFE partner, meaning..partner for the entire life. How careful and how helpful one should be to maintain the partnership? Both the persons have their own strengths and weaknesses. To err is human. So every person would have some limitations. One should try to live with the others weakness and try rectifying them through love. One should not set a deadline for the change. After all, it is the individual who has to change. Through marriage, one opens the door of one's life. Husband and wife form a key and lock pair. There is only one combination for the door to open. And only one key suits for a lock. So both form the necessary and sufficient condition to grow and learn from the nature. We feel that it is we who selected the other person and made the marriage happen (Both arranged and love marriages). But as popularly said, marriages are made in heaven. The lock and key are already made and set. When time arrives, the lock gets married to the key. It is with the help of the other person that we grow, learn and experience the nature, which is the purpose of our life. Nature is not only the air, water, fire, earth and sky. Its the humanity, the God inside every living/non-living being, the energy that is associated with them. (Refer my God blogs for this)
Throughout our life, we know that we are not the same. We change. We learn from our expereinces and others experiences. We also learn from books, incidents that we witness, sayings of some persons, great people's lives (dead or alive), blogs written by great people, etc. Unknowingly and unnoticeably, we incorporate some things from all of these. As human beings, the only species that have brains to analyze, think and manipulate, once we know that what we feel is not healthy or what we think is not logical or how we act is not fair, why do we want to continue doing them? May be we want to change. Then what is stopping us? Are the enzymes, harmones and genes so powerful that they are controlling us? Brain is much more powerful than all of these. If brain stops functioning for 5 minutes, trust me, all parts of the body freeze. When we have such powerful tool embedded in a hard shell (the skull), why are we not utilising it? Is it because our heart is controlling the mind? If we wish to change, our heart approves it. Then the request is taken to the brain and the process happens there. Our heart knows that we have to change and the request is taken to the brain. But somebody is stopping the brain from processing. Stupid guy!!
The difference between a person who passes the exam and the person who fails to pass the exam is that the former has the passion or the necessity to pass the exam and the later has neither. Anything that we want to achieve or pursue is the outcome of our passion or necessity. If both lack, we fail to achieve what we want. Dreaming to become something is interest, not passion. What do we need to do to be passionate about something? There are a lot of forces inside us. Which one wins, comes out. So what do we need to do to increase the force of certain task? F = m a. If mass remains constant, acceleration has to increase in order for the force to increase. The interest should increase. It should defeat all other forces that draws it back. So the force in us to change our thoughts has to be increased.
I know that what I am talking is rubbish and wierd. Is it a car pedal to increase the force? Its not so easy and simple. If I am here to provide a ready reckoner on how to increase passion or force, I would be a God. Yes God. He would really give us the force to be passionate. But how do I know? Am I His PA to tell in His favour? No rite!! So dont trust me. Then whom to trust? I dont tell anybody to trust somebody. Then are the readers crazy to read all this wierd stuff and just waste their time? So here are some tips and tricks to try out.
STATUTORY CAUTION: These can be followed on your own will and wish. If it does not work out, dont run for me.
1. First decide upon how you want to be. There are no hard and fast rules that one should be like Mahatma Gandhi or one should be like Mother Teresa. But one needs to analyse and think about what is good and what is bad for the others and then the self. As I mentioned earlier, love all. Do not expect anything in return. Love people as they are. If you are able to change yourself, may be you can change the others. So start the change from within. Dont wait for the others to change. You set your priorities and ideal behaviour first.
2. When a situation arises, where you are not able to behave the way you wanted to, try to act in the way you want to. Life is a drama. After all, why can't we really act in this drama. This really works. Just feel the others as co-actors. You will have fun. Ofcourse they would live in their characters, but you would enjoy. Suppose you are unable to control your temper and feelings and have behaved in the orthodox way, write down the test results. This is what QA is. Write down the test case (Test Case ID, Date, Steps to produce, Expected Result, Actual Result).
3. Next time when the situation arises, feel that you are a Savithri (best female actress) or Kamal Hasan (best male actor....warning...do not over feel and kiss the heroine..u might actually get hurt) or any of your favourite actor and start behaving the way you want to. We actually have to learn a lot from FRIENDS... Learn from Pheebey and Joey how to act...
4. This time suppose it worked out 1%. Update the test case.
5. Next time different scenario..different stage..different actor..update the test case..One day you will find a bug free test report. Always remember one thing. Love people as they are. Love them. Dont hate any body. We do not know how many hate us.
All this seems crap, rite!! What do you think of me, rascal? Dont we have our own feelings? Its so simple to preach.. Act itseems... u bachelor fellow.. dont have any other work except to write such scrap blogs and spoil our time and mood?????? You get married first..then preach....Now stop here and dont write anything more!!
If you feel the above for me, forgive me.. But if you want to give a try, my blog is always activated for you.
1 comment:
The tips to make a change in ourself is really nice to read.
1. I have one question on this. As you are saying if we are acting in life,(acting as if we likes even if we don't like), then by that time i dont think that we can say that we are truly happy. Can we?
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