Love Marriage

Disclaimer: All thoughts in the current context are purely personal. Any resemblance to any real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

I never knew that marriages could broadly be classified into Love marriage and Arranged marriage until people asked me which kind of marriage I did. My next question to any of them would immediately be "What love means in a love marriage?" or "What is arranged in an arranged marriage?". None of them would give me a prompt reply. They would always try pulling my leg until I reply them only with "Love marriage". But even now, I cannot differentiate between the two. I tell you why.

Were there these categories in the olden days? When did we start hearing the term 'Love' marriages? Not even 50 years. In a country which has a history and culture over thousands of years, if we are witnessing a new style and new kind of marriage, we need to know the history and the concept of marriage from the ages. Please bear with me, u will have a good ending.

India - A land of traditions, rich culture and heritage since thousands of years. As time had kept changing, the traditions also changed. What do I mean by traditions? Am I speaking about rituals or the purpose there of? My answer would be both. There are many different religions, sects, subsects, castes, cultures, languages in our country. Each section of the society have described their life styles in certain definite fashion. The way they carry out their works, the way they prepare food, eat, treat illnesses, treat the others, speak, behave, etc. Hence there were hundreds or thousands of sects in our country.

People were assessed based on where they were born, the sect they belonged to, the language they spoke, etc. Each sect had its own way of doing things, hence the difference. Ages before, the castes were formed based on the work they did. As for example, there were gold smiths (vishwa brahmins), weavers and carpenters (padmasaalis), merchants (vyshyas), priests (brahmins), kings (Rajputs), etc. Each community had their own independet skill in their work. Hence their own traditions and customs. There came the sub sects based on the regions they belonged to. As for example, there are lot of sects in Brahmins in India. In Tamil Nadu, there are Iyers (Vadama and others), Iyengars(Vadagalai, Tenkalai), etc. Brahmins who migrated from TamilNadu to Andhra Pradesh were called Dravidas. Now there are Konaseema dravidas who settled in the coastal belt of A.P., the Arama dravidaas, who settled in Draksharamam (East Godavari Dt.), the Thummagunta Dravidas, who settled in Thummagunta (Nellore Dt.), etc. Likewise there are 6000 Niyogis, Golconda Vyaparis, Vaideeka (Velnatlu, Veginatlu, Telaganyulu, Mulakanaatlu), and many other sects in A.P. In Kerala, we find Nambeesans, Naboothiris; Karnataka and Maharashtra we find Saraswat Brahmins (Chitrapur, Gowd, Rajapur,etc.), etc. Please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahmin_communities to find all the brahmin communities. Likewise, in almost all the castes, viz. Vysyas (Arya, Kalinga, etc.), Kapu (Munnur, Balija, etc.), Kamma, Raju, etc., there are lot of sub sects prevailing since hundreds of years.

Marriage, a tradition that is commonly followed in all the sects also has been performed in their own styles. Right from searching the bride or the bride groom until the couple finally starts their own life independently, there are various practices that are followed in every sect of our country. But there are many customs and practices that are commonly followed among all the sects. Since Indians believe that they are descendants of the great rishis, they share some gothras (rishi dynasty) in common throughout the country. All the castes and sects have the same rishis as their ancestors. A Gotra is the lineage clan assigned to a Hindu at birth. In most cases, the system is patrilineal and the gotra assigned is that of the person's father. Other names used to refer to it are Vansh, Vanshaj, Bedagu, Purvik, Purvajan, Pitru. An individual may decide to identify his lineage by a different gotra, or combination of gotras. For example Lord Rama was Surya Vansh , also known as Raghu Vansh. This was because Lord Rama's great-grandfather Raghu became famous. Marriages within the gotra ("swagotra" marriages) are banned under the rule of exogamy in the traditional matrimonial system. People within the gotra are regarded as kin and marrying such a person would be thought of as incest. In some communities, where gotra membership passed from father to children, marriages were allowed between uncle and niece, while such marriages were forbidden in matrilineal communities, like Malyalis and Tuluvas, where gotra membership was passed down from the mother. A much more common characteristic of south Indian Hindu society is permission of marriage between cross cousins (children of brother and sister). Thus, a man is allowed to marry his mother's brother's daughter or his father's sister's daughter but is not allowed to marry his father's brother's daughter, a parallel cousin, who is treated as a sister. Marriage, after all is a tradition where a bride and a bride groom marry each other following certain rituals announcing themselves as a couple to the entire society. All the elders and the people in their community bless the couple. All of them celebrate the feast with luncheons and dinners.

Now that I spoke about what 'Marriage' in India means, I will speak about the types of marriages. How does one choose the pair to be coupled? Girl born at a place, boy born in another family, another place, another time. How do one gets to know the details of the 'match' ?

If the details of the pair to be married are known from the elders, relatives or any other source other than the bride and the bridegroom themselves, it is said to be an Arranged marriage. If the details are brought by the pair themselves, it is a Love marriage. In arranged marriage, the elders look for the horoscope match (hence the compatibility), the family background, the economical status, the members of the family and finally ask the bride and the groom to look at each other (In olden days, this provision was not there; The couple does not even look at each other until the marriage is performed.). The customs have been changing with the time. Decades before, there used to be girls in minority numbers and boys in majority numbers. Girls used to choose the boy they wanted to marry in Swayamvara. Further the boy's family had to pay certain money to the girl's family as Kanyasulka. Time has changed and there were girls in majority numbers. Then started the Varakatna (Dowry), where the girl's family pays money to the boy's family. In early days, the elders of the family used to travel places in search of bride and get their boy married at the age below 15 years. The age difference between the boy and the girl used to be very large (nearly 10 years). Divorce rates were very low (almost NIL). Girl was taught to serve the boy's family, her husband, cook food for the family, do household jobs and raise their children. Times have changed and the lifestyles of pepole changed. Technology has been bringing changes in the lives of the people. Today we do not see weavers because we have machinery that produce clothes. Likewise, there are changes in the administration of the government and hence people no more are continuing their age old traditional jobs. Instead they are doing various other jobs. So the life style and the customs which were once bsaed on their jobs and their regions have been changing with the exodus of people who have been migrating from one place to the other in search of jobs. There has been an exponential exodus from the rural areas to the urban areas. In such a lifestyle, the traditions and customs no more are applicable and hence they changed. If we look at the current generation youth in the present day, there are a majority of youth working in private sectors in banks, IT firms, hospitals, retail stores, etc. All of these youth are travelling across the world. Their so called 'native' culture is not getting implemented and imbibed to them due to the changing lifestyles.

From generations, we have been watching the changes that are taking place in the society. Inter-caste or inter-religious marriage was a sin in the older days. Today the society is accepting such marriages. Women are working in large numbers compared to the women in the olden days. In this scenario, how are the 'arranged' marriages getting arranged when there are very meagre people who belong to the same sect are living together? Through relatives, matrimonial agencies, media (newspapers, internet, etc.). How well the girl's family is knowing about the boy's family? They are strangers before the marriage. No aquaintance at all. We are blindly believing the people and hence their family. Economy wise, there is a very large scale of economy today. Middle class has large limits and the limits are getting expanded. Therefore the marriages today are a kind of marketing and sale, unless one really knows about the other party. Today since the number of girls is very less compared to the number of boys and since the number of orthodox families are less in number, sect/sub sect/job are not being the criteria for selecting the match. Parents are being helpless in getting the matches. They are relying on external sources like marriage buereaus, friends and relatives. Hence the 'arranged' marriage is becoming difficult and worrisome.

Love marriages, on the other had, wherein the girl and the boy get to know about each other before introducing themselves as a couple to their elders, are hence increasing in numbers. Women in today's world, unlike women in the previous generations, are being treeated alike with men. They are also getting educated and are being raised similar to that of a male child. Women are working in every field and are travelling across the globe. In this scenario, the exposure of girls to boys and hence the opportunity of selecting ones spouse is more. People are working in teams, getting closer, sharing their thoughts and feelings and have started sharing the accomodations. In fact, they are living together, being away from their parents. Even though they are with their parents, they are choosing their own 'kind' of person for marriage. If the couple is liked by their elders, they make arrangements for their marriage and hence it would become a love - cum - arranged marriage. If their marriage happens without the consent of their elders, it would be called a pure Love marriage. In either case, the couple are solely responsible for their 'love' and 'marriage'. As a matter of fact, divorce rates have increased exponentially these days compared to the olden days. Has that anything to do with the increasing 'Love' marriages? I say 'Yes'.

No doubt every person has certain likes and dislikes, which are subject to change anytime. If a boy and a girl claim that they love each other, what is it they are loving actually? Is it the physical beauty of the other person? Is it the tastes and interests that the other person has or is it the level of understanding the other person has with regards to this person? These love marriages happen in the age group of 18-30 years. That is the age when ones beauty is at the optimum in ones entire life; Age where the 'self' mind and body change with the external world; where the mind gets freezed; age where there is attraction in the beauty, sex and other worldy pleasures; In such an age group, how does one claim to 'Love' the other person?

Someone is unable to live without seeing the other person, without talking to the other person or without contacting the other person. Is this love? Are they eligible to get married? Will they be happy after the marriage till their lsat breath? If so, why are the divorce rates increasing in large numbers in the so called 'Love' marriages? If the current generation youth mean that they know what love is and hence are convincing the elders, does this mean that the people who lived and have been living since generations do not know what love means?

Here I am not talking about couples who are happy with their 'love' married lives. I am talking about cases who, upon marrying somebody who they loved, are breaking up their relations. According to me, love is something that is neither tangible nor measurable. It is just a feeling towards the other person. Practically, the amount of 'love' changes with the actions of the other persons. Hence it is tangible. Since you love someone more than the others, it is measurable also. Hence the term 'Love' does not fit in this kind of marriages. These marriages also are arranged, but they are arranged by the partners themselves. Hence name it as 'Self-arranged' marriage. Do not call it 'Love' marriage. If love is eternal, why are marriages not eternal? Because the marriages are self-arranged and since 'self' is always prone to change, the relationship changes.

Now comes the question, in either cases (arranged or self-arranged), since self is prone to change and since 'love' is being understood as behaving in the way the other person feels happy about, how to maintain healthy relationships throughout the lives? Go through my 'MARRIAGE AND LOVE - PART 2' for answers.

Dare to Dream

Why are we living?

Is it just because that we were born and as part of nature, we have to die and hence we have to pass the time till our death? Though this is true, we dont directly agree upon this.Then what else are we living for? We live to fulfill our dreams. What dreams? Those that were unfulfilled and hence carried forward from the previous births and those that we dream while at work or during the class.

Dr. A.P.J.Abdul Kalam always tells the youth of India to dream, dream and dream. And we, the youth (pls. dont doubt me) of India have lot of dreams.

A Typical Dream while listening to the class in the college:

A decent job (white collar) in a good firm, with a good pay package (pay = pay++ in every dream), in the field of our interest only for 8 hrs a day and 5 days a week, with ample holidays a year and good amount of shares from the company. Supplements for this dream: Company's bi-annual corporate party's, luncheon's every now and then, cab drop and pickup, etc.

Poor youth wakes up to see the reality!!
Students of any background (be it Science, Arts, Mathematics, Electronics, chemical, aything for that matter, end up joining in IT companies). Hence a White collar job with a tie, pay package always half than dreamt, job always not of ones interest, minimum of 12 hrs in the office, also sometimes during the weekends, no shares, very low hikes, but freeeeee coffee and tea.

Dream while at work:
Role change (Project Manager, Senior Consultant, Vice President, etc.), Onsite trip, Home made lunch in the tiffin box, dinner with family, only 8 hrs of work, no weekend work, own 2 BHK flat very near to the office, a car, etc.

Reality:
Breakfast, lunch, snacks at office. If one is lucky, he gets the chance to eat supper at midnight (after 11PM). Otherwise, dinner also at office. A minimum of 12 hrs stay (though one works or not) in the office, sometimes during the weekends, 2 hr bus journey one way, house atleast 20km from the office, etc.

Freshers:
"Hey u know, I got through the last interview round of AAA company; Guess the pay package?? Its 3L p.a.""Oh is it!! You know, after 2 years of exp. u can jump into YYY; Then you can demand for atleast 8L;"

After 2 years:
"Dude!! I got my H1 stamped. Me flying to NY; Lufthansa - via Frankfurt;""Cool da!! This ZZZ neither gets my visa done nor pays a good package here;""Oh I am sori, ask your PM whether they would send u to onsite or not; If not tell them that u will be leaving the company;
They will automatically get ur stamping done; Or else quit the company and join SSS and u can demand for 100% hike;"

B.Tech (any specialisation) from any university, M.Tech, B.Sc., M.Sc., MCA, BCA, and any other graduates from any background, from any part of India do those courses to get a 'GOOD' job in a 'GOOD' IT firm.

Let us consider the following statistics: (All the figures are Mean values)

Number of States in India with good number of colleges : 15
Number of Engineering colleges in a state : 100

Number of specialised branches in a college : 3

Number of students per class : 40

Number of students leaving abroad for studies : 10

Therefore total number of engineering students trying for jobs in India per annum = (40-10) * 3 * 100 * 15 = 1,35,000

Number of PG (MCA, M.Sc, etc.) colleges in a state : 50

Number of students in a class : 30
Total number of PG students trying for jobs in India per annum = 30 * 50 * 15 = 22,500

Let the number of graduates (BCA, B.Sc, etc.) who get into jobs per college be 10. (Since majority of students prefer joing their masters and since the IT companies hire lesser number of these graduates).

Total number of graduate students trying for jobs in India per annum = 10 * 50 * 15 = 7,500

Apart from these guys, let the number of previous batches unemployed students be 35,000. (This is actually a very high number, but lets take the least possible number).

Hence the grand total number of people applying for IT jobs as freshers per annum would sum to 2,00,000.

Where are the IT companies located in India?

In cities like Bangalore, Hyderabad, Pune, Noida, Chennai, Mumbai, Gurgaon, Trivendrum, Calcutta, etc. These cities have become so much populated and polluted that the roads that were laid are not being sufficient to accomodate the increased traffic. Hence the fly-overs, road widenings, etc. Exponential raise in the number of apartments, vehicles, taxes, fast food centres, curry points, baby creches, corporate schools, colleges, ATM centres, shopping malls, mobile
showrooms, private banks, car showrooms, multiplexes, etc.

A typical day would start at around 6:30 AM. Get ready and leave the house by 7:30 AM (breakfast optional). Reach office @ 9 AM (just within 1.5 hrs), have lunch @ office (sodexho coupons or food courts), work till 8 or 9 PM and reach back home @ 10 or 11 PM. Meanwhile have sumptuous snacks @ 6 PM in the office. Have dinner @ 11 PM and sleep after 12 AM.
Weekends:
Wake up not before 11AM, bath is optional; have a brunch (breakfast cum lunch), get ready in the evening to go out somewhere, end up in eating dinner at 11 PM, come back and watch TV till 2 or 3 AM.

Say suppose an average an IT professional gets paid 3.6L p.a. ~ 30K per month.Since most of the people stay away from their places and home towns, they end up staying in rented houses. So every month expenses include rent, food (outside), servant maid fees, travel expenses, mobile bills, freak out expenses and others. One feels that one saves a good sum of amount every month after having spent some amount for his/her benefits and enjoyment. With such a poor discipline and improper food habits, one is vulnerable to get symptoms of certain ailments at early stages (mid 30's), by which time one would have saved a good sum of amount. Now we go to gym, walking, yoga centres, dieting, etc.

If one is interested in purchasing atleast a 1000 sft 2BHK flat, one ends up taking it for a min. of 25 L in a very huge apartment complex, where he/she pays some amount towards maintenance, car parking, etc. It takes atleast 20 years to repay the total loan amount. So in a couple, both the people start working. Since there would not be time to take care of children, they are bound to be raised in baby cretches. Parents then join them into corporate schools, where they end up paying lots of sums for admissions into lower standard classes. School is just a big building and nothing more. Vast syllabuses, coaching centres, etc.

This is the trend that is prevailing in the cities since 7-8 years (21st century).
I dont say this is wrong or people are over ambitious. After one completes his/her 60 years of life in this lifestyle, what does one have at the end of his career? You have every thing in your life - Own flat, car, working life partner, children studying in corporate colleges/corporate companies, health awareness, etc.

But are we really happy?

Are we completely satisfied with out lives?How many % of people really say that they are totally happy?Every student's dream has come true. They have successfully lived their dream. So are they contended? An obvious answer is 'NO'. Dreams are never constant. They keep changing with our lives.

Dreams are the motivation of life. One has to dream about ones life. We always try to achieve what we dream. Though not 100%, we atleast try doing that. That is how life moves on.
But the difference between a happy man (rather wise man) and all the others is that the wise man knows what to dream. Dream just does not occur to him. He knows what is real happiness. He dreams wisely.

I am not a wise man. I am still one among the crores of population, one among the many lakhs of IT professionals, still dreaming when to quit the existing company and join a new one with a good pay package, waiting for the time to arrive when I can dream wisely, take wise steps in my life.

India vs USA - an Indian

Before our independence there was only one goal - freedom. It was difficult for us to be slaves for the Britishers and work for them. Hence there was unity among us. We had a common goal and we made a bloodless revolution in the history of the world.

Post independence, we are left with lot of freedom. In a country or a family or a team or a ship, if there is no good leader or a father or a captain, it becomes chaos. Everyone in this country have become so free that no body cares to listen to the others, but always want the others to listen to them. Now we are so free that we can do what ever we feel like doing. We do not have any rules (oops.. there are rules, but we do very well know how to break them). Everybody has become self-centered. What happens if everybody wants to sit on a single chair at the same time and there is no queue? Chaos and Confusion!! This is the current situation of our country.There was a popular patriotic song in Hindi "jaha daal daal par sone ki chidiya karthee hai basera.. woh bhaarat desh hai mera..jaha satya ahimsa aur dharam kaa pag pag lagta dera .. woh bharat desh hai mera.."

There were days when we banned the foreign clothes and burnt them up and started weaving our clothes. Today we pay lots of amounts to import and purchase the foreign clothing. Peter England, Oxemburg, Arrow, Louis Phillippe, etc. Every product that we use is foreign. Soaps, Shampoo, Tooth paste, clothes, food, jewellery, what not? Why are we trusting the foreign brands and not ours? We believe that those products are more genuine than ours. Though they cost more, we opt for them. Why dont we trust our products? Why do we feel that our products have poor quality than the others? Why do we laugh at the songs once sang about the greatness of our country? Why do people want to settle in the abroad and become permanent citizens of those countries? Is it only because of money? Are we really poor?

In countries like USA, Canada, etc. where there is a social security, life is different. Children's education upto 12th standard is free of cost. There is not much stress or pressure on the students to get a good rank in the engineering or medicine entrance tests. Their system of education is different. Those who want to study will go to the college and attain education in the field of their own interest, be it arts, anthropology, archeology, music, marketing, painting, etc. There is no competition and fight to attain state ranks or country ranks. Individuals are accessed and graded by their own calibre, assignments, quizzes and hence there is no ranking system to create stress and pressure among the students. Further more there is no fear for fetching jobs. English, being the common language throughout the country, people would leave their parents and home towns in search of jobs and start living independently. They would earn money for their education, thus relieving their parents from the stress of paying lots of amounts for their education. They would take up any job and study while earning (rather, earning while studying). Jobs need not be white collar ones. I have seen Indian students working for pizza huts, restaurants, malls, wallmart and other retail malls, gas stations, etc. Hence in such an environment, only those students who really are passionate to pursue their studies would study and the others would happily work and earn.

Work culture is also quite different from ours. Every individual is paid on hourly basis. Hence they get paid for the amount of work they do. Usually everybody works only for 8 hours a day; 8 hrs of productive work, unlike our system where we stay in the office for about 12 hours though there is productivity only for 7-8 hrs. Hence we end up accumulating stress. Due to the disturbed food habits that we have and due to the irresistance to the various tastes and varieties of food that are available in our "God knows how clean they are" restaurants, we end up facing health related problems.

The entire world knows that medicine and doctor consultation are damn cheap only in India!! Any RMP (Registered Medical Practitioner) or even a pharmacist in a medical shop would prescribe medicines by listening to the patients complaints and symptoms. In the US, every individual pays certain amount every month towards medical insurance. In case of any ailment or disease, they get coverage from the insurance company, otherwise which they cannot afford to pay the medical bills, since medicine is a costly affair there. Doctors there do not take the risk of prescribing medicines just by listening to the complaints. After a series of certain specific tests, they do prescibe the medicines. Since medicine is cheap in India and since there is no medical insurance for the common man, we do not bother about our health and body unless we face serious issues. Since there is a fear of paying huge amounts to the hospitals, people in the US try to maintain their health by taking proper rest, good exercises (gyms, swimming pools, etc. as we see are hence constructed in every apartment).

Continuing about the work culture, there is no official retirement age in the US. As long as they are healthy (usu. till the age of 70 years), they keep working. They try to use their brain and muscle till their death, unlike here in India, where we quit working after 60 years of age. Quality of work is given utmost importance there in the US. Quality of the product, cleanliness at the place of work and environment, systematic approach, honesty and integrity have made their companies and products reach the entire ch the entire world.

Why don't we have cleanliness in our environment? Why are our products poor in quality? Is it because we do not have enough money? Nope. We do have money. We have lot of money with us, but it cannot be claimed to be said as money in official records, because it is black. I believe that we have lot of potential in the form of money to repair our entire system, which no body wants to do.

What is black money after all? Is it black in color?The money an individual gets from any source which pays him/her unofficially, for which there are no records, no bills, no receipts, no taxes, is termed as black money.

In the US, there are two kinds of taxes. Federal tax and State tax. IRS (International Revenue Servie) considers Federal tax for the nation and State tax for the respective state for which the tax is paid. Taxes are deducted at the source (Salary). Also, people who deal with any kind of business also pay taxes. There are bills for every item that we purchase. There are records for every transaction that we make. Hence the government gets money from the people in the form of taxes, which it uses for various purposes, which are directly evident in the US society.
How many of us pay taxes regularly? We know that there are many businessmen and popular figures in the society who made huge profits yet never paid taxes. Yet we adore them. We have lot of money with us. We want our government to mint money but we never want to pay or give back to the society. Help to the society need not be in the form of voluntary donations or giving food. If every one of us pays taxes regularly, we will have more white money, which could be used for common purposes. Why are US roads so beautiful? Why is the traffic highly regulated? Why are the rules strictly followed there? Given a google map or a map quest map, any individual can reach any place in the entire US. How many years would it take for us to see such luxury in India? After looking at the cleanliness, roads and traffic regulation in the US and UK, I felt that the Britishers should have ruled for 50 more years to have established such system in India too.

Now the next question arises. If we had good sum of white money, would it be properly utilised with out any corruption? Due to the ineffective buearocracy that we have, oops...that we encouraged to have in our judicial, legistative and administrative departments, we have successfully murdered the honesty and integrity and hence knowingly encouraged corruption and crime.

We are very happily living in our indisciplined chaotic society and have no worry to think about how to bring in change, since we know that we as individuals cannot do anything, "ANYTHING" against the gigantic elements like corruption, crime and pollution which are deeprooted in our society.

I am not Motta BOSS as in Sivaji, but as an Indian who really wants to see our products, our companies fetching fame in the world, I wish there could be only white money, which could be efficiently and effectively used for the nation and therefore see the true independence of India. We shall then sing the songs and make the freedom fighters feel proud to see clean, honest, happy India.

I ain't saying Thanks!

No thanks for him who dint bid Good bye for me!!
http://injeytoday.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-aint-saying-goodbye.html


No Thanks for him who taught me how to blog.
It was he who taught me how to create a blog and make changes in it.



No Thanks for him who took the responsibility of tasting my recipies.
without whom I would not have become a good cooker (Chef).



No Thanks for him who patiently answered my dumbest doubts.
He just says "I will kill you" or "Sir, common wake up" to make me alert and feel that I have asked him the most stupid question.



No Thanks for him who enacted with me at TAGCA.
Without which people would have not known his talents.



No Thanks for him who awakened my interests in FRIENDS.
Though we watch the episode, we discuss and enact them together thus enjoying each and every pinch of the episode.



No Thanks for him who inspired me in watching English movies.
Spiderman (all 3 versions), Ben-Hur, The Prestige, Memento, Blair witch project, God Father, Good Son and most importantly, The Matrix (all 3 versions).



No Thanks for him who made me understand the concept of The Matrix
I only knew there was some super power with Neo and Morpheus until he taught me what Matrix was.



No Thanks for him who listened to all my thoughts and feelings (also my songs).
There used to be long discussions even on the silliest topics as whether to have Veggie burger or rice for lunch.



No Thanks for him who read all my blogs and says its ok and nothing else.

No Thanks for him who tastes my food during the preparation and says he does not know any tastes.



No Thanks for him who shared my RMs, calls and bugs,


because he plays games at 2AM in the night while I am in deep sleep.



No Thanks for him who taught me Tirukkural Kurals,
apart from letting me know what the Kural actually means.



No Thanks for him who taught me Tamil,
after I harassed him with shower of questions what something means in Tamil (esp. Ka Ka Ka Po)



No Thanks for him who showed me how to use iPod,
and listen to the songs while at work.



No Thanks for him who shared more than just the room
The laughs we had, the thoughts we shared, the food we ate, the memories of his childhood and college days that he shared, the photos that we shared, the rugby catches we played, the dieting we tried (and failed everytime), the shopping we did will never be forgotten.

MARRIAGE AND LOVE - PART 2

Every person in this world is unique. Ones characteristics are determined by ones birth, family (parents first, then relatives), friends, society, environment in which one lives, the experiences one undergoes and above all pre-life karma. All these put together will frame a person's thoughts -> ideas -> attitude -> behaviour -> habits. As long as one follows dharma, one is never bad. There are nothing called good actions or bad actions. All are experiences. Suppose you try eating in a new restaurant and u dont like the food. Would you try the next time? Or say, you have tried something new in your life after 30/40 years and you happened to like it. You would enjoy it. So our experiences teach us how to live.

We are social beings, meaning we are dependent socially on one another. Are we living on our own without the help of any other person in the world? We cannot. And we should not. As I said before that each person is unique in this world, we should not expect the others to behave just like us or to think just like the way we think. First of all, are we stable? Given a situation, can we behave the way we want to? Are our thoughts constant and stable? Can we stop thinking that we dont want to think about? Can we behave all the time in our life as we want to? No, rite!! When we are not sure of our behaviour, thoughts and our feelings, how can we expect the other person to have the thoughts or behaviour that we want them to have?

People say that similar horoscope people have similar charactestics. If so, there should be 12 sets of people in this world (as per the 12 zodiac signs) and all the groups should live independently in 12 different countries. A mother will love her child, whatever horoscope the child has. That is what is love. She just loves the child, without expecting anything in return from the child. We are raised by our parents. Both of them work hard to feed us, educate us, take care of us. All 3 of us are different. Their thoughts are different from ours. But why do they still love us? Why do they take care of our health, food, clothing, education when they know that we think differently? Is it just because they feel its their job/responsibility to raise us? Do they not love us as we are? Undoubtedly, the answer for this question is NO. Siblings are wonderful creation by parents and God. We share our feelings, thoughts with them. We fight with them. We enjoy spilling ink on their chart. We tease their friends, tastes, etc. One day after we get separated, we feel love for them. Though we are not alike, we miss them. We truly love them. Friends are the ones we choose and make. No two people are alike. But we bear them and be with them. We support each other and share our thoughts, happiness and miseries. Throughout our life, we keep meeting many people. Very few remain as good friends to us. Though separated geographically, we will have love for our friends.

Why then, in the case of spouse, we expect a lot from the other? Why do we want the other person behave the way we want them to behave, when we are not sure of how we behave? This is applicable to both the parties. Sometimes our parents, siblings and friends do not behave the way we want them to, and we get irritated. We feel like running away from them. But when you are away, you feel like being with them and bear their behaviour. Its because we truly love them. They bore us for 20 years and cant we bear them? But in the case of spouse, we love more than required. The quantity of love exceeds so much that we hurt ourselves and the other person sometimes. Let the other person behave the way he/she wants. Do not take anybody for granted. After all every individual in this world needs some private space. Do not suffocate others by your thoughts. Try to be happy yourself first. Let the other person be happy in their own way. If you want the other person to be happy in the way you want, first prove him/her that u are truly happy. Do not force the other person. It might actually hurt him/her. When we, parents, siblings live together for so many years, though we are different in thoughts, why cant the couple live together?

Through marriage, one gets a LIFE partner, meaning..partner for the entire life. How careful and how helpful one should be to maintain the partnership? Both the persons have their own strengths and weaknesses. To err is human. So every person would have some limitations. One should try to live with the others weakness and try rectifying them through love. One should not set a deadline for the change. After all, it is the individual who has to change. Through marriage, one opens the door of one's life. Husband and wife form a key and lock pair. There is only one combination for the door to open. And only one key suits for a lock. So both form the necessary and sufficient condition to grow and learn from the nature. We feel that it is we who selected the other person and made the marriage happen (Both arranged and love marriages). But as popularly said, marriages are made in heaven. The lock and key are already made and set. When time arrives, the lock gets married to the key. It is with the help of the other person that we grow, learn and experience the nature, which is the purpose of our life. Nature is not only the air, water, fire, earth and sky. Its the humanity, the God inside every living/non-living being, the energy that is associated with them. (Refer my God blogs for this)

Throughout our life, we know that we are not the same. We change. We learn from our expereinces and others experiences. We also learn from books, incidents that we witness, sayings of some persons, great people's lives (dead or alive), blogs written by great people, etc. Unknowingly and unnoticeably, we incorporate some things from all of these. As human beings, the only species that have brains to analyze, think and manipulate, once we know that what we feel is not healthy or what we think is not logical or how we act is not fair, why do we want to continue doing them? May be we want to change. Then what is stopping us? Are the enzymes, harmones and genes so powerful that they are controlling us? Brain is much more powerful than all of these. If brain stops functioning for 5 minutes, trust me, all parts of the body freeze. When we have such powerful tool embedded in a hard shell (the skull), why are we not utilising it? Is it because our heart is controlling the mind? If we wish to change, our heart approves it. Then the request is taken to the brain and the process happens there. Our heart knows that we have to change and the request is taken to the brain. But somebody is stopping the brain from processing. Stupid guy!!

The difference between a person who passes the exam and the person who fails to pass the exam is that the former has the passion or the necessity to pass the exam and the later has neither. Anything that we want to achieve or pursue is the outcome of our passion or necessity. If both lack, we fail to achieve what we want. Dreaming to become something is interest, not passion. What do we need to do to be passionate about something? There are a lot of forces inside us. Which one wins, comes out. So what do we need to do to increase the force of certain task? F = m a. If mass remains constant, acceleration has to increase in order for the force to increase. The interest should increase. It should defeat all other forces that draws it back. So the force in us to change our thoughts has to be increased.

I know that what I am talking is rubbish and wierd. Is it a car pedal to increase the force? Its not so easy and simple. If I am here to provide a ready reckoner on how to increase passion or force, I would be a God. Yes God. He would really give us the force to be passionate. But how do I know? Am I His PA to tell in His favour? No rite!! So dont trust me. Then whom to trust? I dont tell anybody to trust somebody. Then are the readers crazy to read all this wierd stuff and just waste their time? So here are some tips and tricks to try out.

STATUTORY CAUTION: These can be followed on your own will and wish. If it does not work out, dont run for me.

1. First decide upon how you want to be. There are no hard and fast rules that one should be like Mahatma Gandhi or one should be like Mother Teresa. But one needs to analyse and think about what is good and what is bad for the others and then the self. As I mentioned earlier, love all. Do not expect anything in return. Love people as they are. If you are able to change yourself, may be you can change the others. So start the change from within. Dont wait for the others to change. You set your priorities and ideal behaviour first.

2. When a situation arises, where you are not able to behave the way you wanted to, try to act in the way you want to. Life is a drama. After all, why can't we really act in this drama. This really works. Just feel the others as co-actors. You will have fun. Ofcourse they would live in their characters, but you would enjoy. Suppose you are unable to control your temper and feelings and have behaved in the orthodox way, write down the test results. This is what QA is. Write down the test case (Test Case ID, Date, Steps to produce, Expected Result, Actual Result).

3. Next time when the situation arises, feel that you are a Savithri (best female actress) or Kamal Hasan (best male actor....warning...do not over feel and kiss the heroine..u might actually get hurt) or any of your favourite actor and start behaving the way you want to. We actually have to learn a lot from FRIENDS... Learn from Pheebey and Joey how to act...

4. This time suppose it worked out 1%. Update the test case.

5. Next time different scenario..different stage..different actor..update the test case..One day you will find a bug free test report. Always remember one thing. Love people as they are. Love them. Dont hate any body. We do not know how many hate us.

All this seems crap, rite!! What do you think of me, rascal? Dont we have our own feelings? Its so simple to preach.. Act itseems... u bachelor fellow.. dont have any other work except to write such scrap blogs and spoil our time and mood?????? You get married first..then preach....Now stop here and dont write anything more!!

If you feel the above for me, forgive me.. But if you want to give a try, my blog is always activated for you.

MARRIAGE AND LOVE - PART 1

Marriage is a tradition followed to announce openly to the society that the couple is going to live together. All the people who attend the marriage bless the couple to live together happily as long as they live. But are all the couples who marry in this way, really happy?

Pre-Independence and Upto 1970's:

Very few women had jobs and the majority took care of the households, cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. In such a scenario, one does not get to know about the girl one is about to get married to. Women had many restrictions. They never spoke to strangers, especially men. One never gets to know about the other until they get married. Selection of the bride/bride groom used to be through horoscopes. How does one know that a particular girl would match to a particular boy without even knowing them or even looking at them? Where was the chance to know about them? It was a dreadful thought to have contacts with the opposite sex before the marriage. There was no way to know about the attitude of the person. Hence people believed and trusted the horoscopes.

The influence of the planetary motion on the human mind is still a mystery to a lot of people. How does the plantes determine the human psychology? The 9 planets and the 12 zodiacs form a total of 108 elements that are divided into 27 stars with 4 elements each. Why all this crap at all for marriages? Every planet is associated with certain amount of gravitational pull associated with it. The time and place of birth of any person determines the latitude and the longitude of that place and hence the 'real' time in the stellar. Astronomy and Astrology go on par with each other. The positions of the planets and stars during the time of birth of a person determine his attitude and fate. Do you believe this? Anyways, this was the belief in those days.

So for a perfect, the so called 'ideal' match, people used to travel from one place to the other in search of bride. Caste and sect were also key criteria for the search. Caste and sect determine the practices that one follows in ones house. The rituals, the beliefs, the customs and the traditions are different for various sects, hence the sect becomes a bar for the search. Finally after executing the heuristic algorithm with these criteria, they find a match, which actually they assume matched, and let the marriage happen. Then starts the time for the couple to know about each other. What if they dont like them? Stupid question. After having seen the horoscopes, they ought to like each other. But even then, what if they dont like? Damn it!! Once committed, there is no roll back.

Since a majority of the families were joint, after the marriage, the girl had to work for the entire family. The expectations for her are set. What to talk, what not to talk, how to behave are taught. In other words, they are dictated. Who likes to be dictated? Does not one has the freedom to think in ones own way? But unfortunately, this was the scenario of our ancestors.

1970's till 2000:

Times have changed. Technology has improved. Families became nuclear. Hence more houses. Cost of living was increased. Women have started becoming educated. More schools and colleges. More jobs. Women started working. They started supporting their families financially as well. Since women just began to interact with men, and since one had their own restrictions and limitations, marriages in this period also followed the age old tradition of looking at the horoscopes. But this time the search operation was perfomed within the known families, friends and relatives of the same caste. Sect was a bar still, but sub-sect no more a bar. The percentage of working women and men was in the ratio 1:9. Women could be said as liberated, since they started expressing their views, started exploring things on their own and started living on their own, but on a lower scale.

21st Century:

Youth in this century are totally different. They have got the technology available at their convenience. Computers, Internet, Cell phones, bikes, what not? Born to the people of earlier generation as described above, children in this generation, especially girls were raised as equally as a boy was. There is no difference in any aspect. They compete in every field. Girls have finally obtained their freedom. They behave the way they want, they dress up the way they want, they live the way they want. Today every girl has a job. The ratio of working men and women is 1:1. House hold work is also shared by both. Girls and boys interact a lot. They have the technology with them to share things privately. There are absolutely no restrictions.

Marriages in this scenario are quite different. Since boys and girls grow together and get to know one another very well right from the school days till their jobs, there are more chances of selecting their spouse by themselves. Parents in this century have seen their ancestors and are also seeing the youth of today. They are unable to decide which life is better. They just cant ignore the traditions and customs that have been followed since ages. At the same time they cant dictate terms to the younger generation. There still are arranged marriages, though the percentage of love marriages (a term given to the type of marriage when the couple chooses their spouse on their own) is increasing.

Marriage, performed in any generation, any type, is ultimately meant for the couple to be happy. They are expected to love each other and raise their children in a harmonious environment. But we find flaws and failures in both the arranged and love marriages. Undoubtedly, the divorce rates are increasing. So the main purpose of the marriage element is lost. Why? Are there any basic qualities which the couples are missing to possess? What do they need to do to restore their happy married life?

Read on...

GOD - WHO IS IT? PART - 2

Weber's theory of magnetism considers the molecular alignment of the material. This theory assumes that all magnetic substances are composed of tiny molecular magnets. Any normal bar of iron would be non-polar. All the molecules would be randomly placed. There is very less energy associated with the bar. Now try to polarize the magnet by applying a magnet in a particular direction. What happens? After some time, all the molecules align to a particular
direction and hence the normal iron bar becomes a bar magnet. This bar magnet will now have more energy. It would now behave differently. But why all this crap now?

Our human body is also composed of many materials. Any normal human being is non-polar. Once he/she gets polarized, they gain more energy and reach higher energy levels. And hence they become powerful. They become God. Height of stupidity, rite?? What happens when one has the highest enery level? The end of the spectrum; Gamma rays? Beyond that? May be equal to the heat energy at the core of the Sun. So one reaches that state. Many reactions keep taking place there. At such high temparatures, the inert gases begin to liquify. Beyond that? Our technology has taken us only till moon and mars. Sun and beyond, yet to be discovered. Salvation, as popoularly said to be the ideal state of any being, where there is no life after reaching that state, is thus the highest level of energy that can be imagined. But why do we need energy?

We need energy to work. Newton's laws were formulated to establish the relation between work and energy. How much energy one needs to work? We get energy from the food, water, air and sun light, just as any other animal or plant gets. Then all of us(living creatures) are in the same energy level, rite!! Then why higher energy levels? There is immense potential in each living creature, which we unfortunately do not realise. Once we get high energy, we will have power to do what ever we want. Energy is power (both have the same units..joule, watt, newton, etc.) If one feels that God can do miracles using his power, then even we can. When we reach God or become God, or in my words, reach the supreme energy level, we will have unlimited power. Whatever you have read that God could do, can be done by us.

The so called re-incarnation of God, as what people believe was not first in the human form. There were many other forms before this. First was an aquarian (totally inside the water - fish), then as an amphibian (water and land - turtle), then an animal (pig), animal - human (lions face - human body), a dwarf human, and finally as a human being. And after that It always took the human form. In every form, it was proved that He could do anything and everything. Hence all creatures are capable of becoming the God.

Now that we have seen why to increase the energy, lets see how to increase the energy levels? (This is what people call realisation of the God).As said previously, one needs to be polarised to have higher energies. How to get polarised? This is not with any bar (like a soap) to apply on our body. This is through certain practices. Here comes the term 'Discipline'.
Discipline may denote any training intended to produce a specific character or pattern of behaviour, especially training that produces moral, physical, or mental development in a particular direction. A set of practices, when practised regularly, makes you polarise. What sort of practices one needs to practice?

Instead of writing an essay on what are to be practised as for a 16 marks question, I shall write in brief 5-steps.

1. Irrespective of any religion, there are certain moral values that are to be maintained to have a fair-harmonious-non-judicial environment in the world. Truth, non-violence, treating others equally as one self, etc. are some of them. This is the first step.

2. There are certain principles with which one should develop ones attitude, which paves the way to reach higher energies. Cleanliness, modesty, the feeling of being content with what we have are some of them.

3. A healthy mind in a healthy body. Until the body is fit and healthy, our mind does not function the way it is supposed to. One needs to be physically healthy and strong.

4. Breathing is life. It is one of our most vital functions. Our life span is inversely proportional to the number of breaths we take per minute. Sounds funny?? A dog takes 80-100 breaths a minute. It lives for a max. of 15-20 years. A tortoise on the other hand, breathes once in 30 minutes or so and hence lives for more than 200 years. Proper breathing is to bring more oxygen to the blood and to the brain, and to control the vital life energy. This comes through practice.

5. Meditation. To meditate is to make the mind observe null. I have very easily written this statement, but in practice it needs lot of practise to achieve that state of calmness. Our energy levels are spread across the spinal cord right from the spine to the head. The least energy level is at the spine and the highest is at the centre of the head. To make the energy levels rise in us, we need to meditate constantly. When one has the energy level rose to the level of his head, he/she is the supremo. They are said to have realised the God. Many saints have realised this through years of practice. One thus needs to be disciplined to reach that state.

Then why do we worship somebody? Faith and belief. If we have some ailment to be cured, we go to a doctor and believe in what ever medicine he prescribes. With the only faith that his medicine would work and ofcourse the effect of the medicine, our ailment gets cured. Trust, Hope, Faith and Belief are thus the essential elements any normal human being has. We get what we deserve and not what we desire. Do you ask for grades in the school? The lecturers evaluate your performace based on your marks, assignments, behaviour and various other parameters. If you feel that you have not done well in the exam, do you really want higher grades? Do well in the exam. you need not ask for anything. Similarly, everyone of us is evaluated by certain parameters by the nature (ones own conscience apart). If the deeds we perfom are good, the fruits of it, we enjoy. If not, we suffer.

At the grass root level, I would like to conclude saying that God is something that every individual perceives. One can choose to take ones own path to realise the truth. But do not blindly follow somebody. Have faith in what you believe.

You are THE ONE.